This is not a blog post about your husband being allowed to treat you like dirt. I think we can all tell the difference between someone who doesn’t respect you and someone who just puts their foot in their mouth regularly. This is a blog post about understanding that your partner is a person outside of your marriage. He is someone with his own troubles, his own personal journey, and even though he may try to hide it, feelings. So go a little easy on him. Here are 3 reasons why you should let your husband be a jerk:
1.) Expectations Suck
You both have different expectations and we can sometimes make it impossible for our husband to meet those. Do you always ask for what you want? Despite the heaviest hints in the world, they are not mind readers. If they want something from us, we expect them to ask for it so that we can make them happy. Knowing this, why do we hold them to our own expectations of how they should act and react. We would never want them to hold us to their ideas of who we should be either. I wish my husband wanted to clean the house and took the recycling out every other week. He wishes I wanted to make pizza for dinner every night and had an easier time talking to people at social events.
He might not take out the trash regularly, but I wouldn’t trade his already amazing traits to add in ones that don’t really matter in the long run. I wouldn’t change the way he makes the worst jokes to try to make me smile, it would make him a different from the person that I fell in love with.
Let him make mistakes, let him let you down. Then forgive him with grace and know that the next time you mess up, he will love you in return.
2.) You’re Not the Best At Communicating Either
Sometimes feeling unsatisfied can come from not communicating with each other fully. Wives are guilty of compressing their feelings as well as blowing up when things don’t go their way. Look beyond this moment, this interaction. Ask your husband what makes him feel appreciated. Make an effort to meet him half way and speak his love language. The way that you are trying to love him may not be the way that he loves best. When you are able to get into their head it helps you reach a deeper level of understanding and intimacy.
In the same way, make sure he knows what you need as well. Don’t ever expect your partner to just know. Not talking about what you want and then getting upset when they don’t fulfill these wishes makes no sense. This isn’t only about talking about your communication styles, but about how you want to be loved. If you are putting in 110%, its easier for your partner to do so as well.
3.) They Are Not Immune From Bad Days
Understand that we all have bad days. Your husband is a great guy, that’s why you married him. But he’s human, he can be a jerk. When you love someone its easy to take out your bad day on someone that you know loves you unconditionally. But if you make this a habit it changes your relationship in a way that is really difficult to dig yourself out of. He is going to hurt your feelings, he’s going to forget things, and he is going to disappoint you. And you will do the same to him. It’s not about lowering your worth or not pushing each other to be your best. Its understanding that they have flaws and realizing that you would rather go through this with them then not have him in your life.
When your husband is being a butt head, see the big picture. Allow him to upset you, be okay with communicating, and instead focus on working on how you fight with each other. Blowing up too much will make them feel like they have to hide their feelings from you. Part of being in love is being able to trust each other no matter how hard what you have say is. It’s having each others back even when they are the one that you are mad at.
In one of my favorite Pink songs, she says that nothing can break your heart like true love. That’s spot on. When you adore someone you have seen their best and sometimes expect them to be that person all of the time. But I have to admit that I am not always my best and my husband loves me graciously just the same. In the same song, she sings about wanting to hug him and choke him at the same time. We see the best in each other, but we also know how to push each other’s buttons more than anyone else in the world.
Fight, tell him that he is an ass sometimes, but say it with love. Fight hard but fight sweet. Love your husband when he is perfect, but also love him when he is a jerk.