I talk a lot about how marrying my husband young and having a chance to grow up with him is one of the best blessings of my life, and it absolutely is. But its not the whole truth. Our life is incredible now, but it took a lot to get to where we are. Being high school sweethearts was my dream, but it wasn’t always. Here are the 5 things that suck about marrying your high school sweetheart:
1.) You were often doubted
Many people didn’t take our relationship seriously. We were told to play the field, we were encouraged to see other people and make mistakes because that’s what being young is about. When I was 16, I absolutely knew deep in my heart that I was going to marry Thyler someday. I wasn’t in a rush, but when I looked at him, I felt complete. I could never really express those feelings without getting the eye rolls and a lecture from the adults around me. But I don’t blame them, I say the same things to my younger cousins and brothers.
2.) Families have long memories
Because you have known their family forever, it’s entirely possible that they haven’t always seen the best in you. I never got that moment where Thyler took me home to meet his family, I was introduced to them as my brother’s older sister and then kind of absorbed the girlfriend status. On top of that, I came from a really dysfunctional family unit, and my future mother in law had to watch her son go through a lot of crap for loving me. Our families weren’t always fair to either of us, and it took a long for us to feel like we actually belonged.
3.) You Have Lived A lot But Are Still Young
By the time I was 19 I had been with Thyler for 4 years, we were pregnant, and soon to be engaged. We had grown so much. We were dealing with debt, already had a year of practice budgeting together and had lived together for over a year. However, we were so young that while we were trying to do things like getting an apartment together, no one took us seriously. We were told we had to prove ourselves, it was so frustrating. It was hard having to wait for our life experience to catch up with our age.
4.) We Weren’t Always Sweet To Each Other
It’s safe to say that I was my most obnoxious during my teen years. The same goes for my husband. We were going through the hardest time in our family’s lives, trying to figure out what our future held, and who we were as people. We took a lot of that sadness and pain out on each other. We fought in a ridiculously hurtful way, hanging up on each other and being passive-aggressive. We didn’t think about each other’s feelings when we made decisions. Being a teen is very egocentric, and it’s hard to imagine my husband once being that person. We got better together, we loved each other enough to become healthier and better people for each other, we pushed each other to reach our dreams. Sometimes I wish I could ignore that part of our relationship, but I know that we wouldn’t communicate with each other as well if we hadn’t reached that low and climbed back up together.
5.) You Weren’t Always On the Same Page
People mature at different ages, I never knew this to be truer than while growing up with Thyler. I grew very quickly and knew from an early age that I wanted to get married and have kids, it was something I wanted more than having a career. In the same respect, I didn’t want a relationship to define my future. Thyler had a job that made decent money right out of high school and wasn’t sure about going to college, but he was sure he wanted to move in together immediately. We did not agree about any of that. I wanted to live on my own first and was scared that he didn’t have a plan for his education. He wanted to live together but wasn’t sure about marriage and kids. Even after we moved in together, I refused to share a checking account and we each paid half of the rent. I loved him, but I needed my independence. He loved me, but his parents had just divorced, and marriage seemed like crazy pressure to put on our relationship. We always knew we would end up together, but our timelines didn’t start to line up until I was halfway through my first pregnancy. We always say that we did things out of order and that couldn’t be truer. I love where we ended up, but it was a crazy ride, and both of us had to take the biggest leap, trusting each other with our everything despite how many things could go wrong.
All of this was hard, but the pros outweighed the cons. Remerbing all of the hard parts makes me appreciate the good parts so much more. I was afraid of being a couple, but having haveing the opportunity to love him so long is the most amazing thing in the world.